Adrielkeska's notes about this work:
I was keeping this one until I had figured out more verses, but really? This is all I wanted in it.
Forget the breeze
Your eyes are filled
With nothing and
The city cries
for mercy and the trees
Simply unaware
Of treasures in the air
Leave the street
Your hands are cold
For receiving hope and
folly song
Of forgiveness discreet
Simply unaware
Of treasures in the air
Comments on "Treasures in the Air"
I like it, it is decent.
I don't understand the meaning of it.
The lyric flow, first off, is nothing short of brilliant. The rhythm, diction, and structure alone make this poem beautiful in its own right.
The theme as well as effectiveness of the aforementioned techniques' illustration thereof works well on a number of levels; respectively, the ever-refreshing calling upon the reader to interpret and the providing of enough concrete material in order to allow him to do so. Working within a small frame seems to have a tendency to ask more of both the reader--as previously mentioned--and the writer, who has the task of pruning as necessary--but never too much. You've gotten it just right here, which is always noteworthy.
This is what I understood from the poem: "Treasures in the Air" connotes beauty in simplicity and the appreciation thereof; all of the magic in life floats before our eyes and under our noses, right there yet somehow eluding our grasp. You could say that Nature's wonders are meaningless to eyes hollowed out by false hopes brought about by what have you in the course of mankind's corruption, that such corruption gives us such false hopes, false comforts and pretended compassion, and that on account of these notions many have been left "simply unaware," blissful in an illusive reality amidst a greater elusive one.
The progression is logical and so helps to unify the (perceived) theme. Overall excellent work, and sorry for the slipshod analysis.
Thanks for sharing.
Sorry, only logged in users can post messages!