LoBD

Decent, my friend.
Wasn't quite sure what you were trying to pull off, but it's not the worst thing I've seen of yours.
Trust me, it takes a lot to be critical of your work seeing as you are our gatekeeper, but I also believe you are one of us.

I say this often, and I must say it again, you are not e. e. cummings, capitalization is important. I understand what you were trying to do, but it doesn't quite work here. Second, as you've told me once or twice, the period in line two and the exclamation points on the last and third to last lines are the only punctuation. Are they conveying something, or did you jsut forget? and lastly, the third stanza looked like you were just bored and had nothing to put there...

Keep writing, keep working with this, and it will become great, I assure you. But right now, it's not flowing right.

I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS!!!

"r ai n na ir ia n r ai nr ia n r
rai ria n ri rn n ri na rian r irna
ria n irna n nir nai rna iranr rnai
rananan ana irirrai n rinairnair"

I really have no clue what this is. I agree with Tophat on the capitalization and punctuation. You have told me that more times than I can count. lol Anyway, Its a great attempt, but it could use some work, but its takes a brave person to attempt a Spiritual & Religious poem.

I have to disagree; I think this poem is pretty fantastic.

Love the repetitive "and i couldn't believe the," the play of words with "god," the dog allegory...
I also like the lack of capitalization. Since both the first and the last phrases here begin with "and," it feels like this poem is an expression of a specific idea or a state of mind, rather than a story, and capitalization would've ruined that. I guess the only thing I would change would be de-capitalizing the last "I" in the poem to keep it consistent.
And the way I see it, the selective punctuation is meant to separate the poem into specific parts?
The disarrayed third stanza emphasizes (for me) the weight of the humid stars and is refreshing here.
Despite the first impression, this poem seems to be very well thought out. I really enjoyed it.

I agree with Oak, only more harshly. The comments on this page are a clear testament to the stupidity and even arrogance of some of our denizens.
Tophat, you honestly believe that mzell "jsut forgot" to put punctuation in his poem? Maybe your work goes directly from your brain into the "Poem Content" box on the Add Poem page, but I know mzell well enough (and you should too) to know that he doesn't simply forget to add something as fundamental as punctuations.

And Addy, I'm honestly disappointed. You obviously made no effort to actually understand the poem; you simply didn't understand it, and assumed that it had no meaning.

It's one thing to not perceive a poem's deeper meanings; but to not even recognize the fact that the author intended there to be obscured meaning? That's pathetic. It's glaringly obvious.

As for the third stanza: the staccato, disjointed, pit-pattering words reminds me of the sound of rain itself. Maybe that's not how mzell meant it, but that's how I interpret it, at least until I have a closer look at it in context with the rest of the poem. I'm sure the rain is a symbol for something else.

Look, I tried, but I am not any good myself, you guys know this. mzell (if I remember correctly) once told me that he hates when people read something they don't understand and, instead of showing they don't understand by saying what they are really thinking, they automatically jump to "i dont get it...therefore...IT MUST BE AWESOME!!!". So I said what I thought (at the time) and waited for, either, a mzell explanation, or a mzell laugh. Didn't mean anything, it just when I tried something with the relaxed serious feeling I was shot down and therefore thought that style was uninvited.

I'm going to do a bit of thinking, and maybe head of to a chair and try and write something in this category (which I have so many problems in). This is actually inspiration - not that I know.

Sorry I let you down, ya'll.