LoBD

"So what I'm asking here is love really something that one should let influence their thoughts and actions.I think that i have fallen to hard and cant get up and am being crushed.But if this is what love to someone then i will be crushed until nothing is left of me to tell i ever existed."

I'm partial to Miyamoto Musashi's take on it: "Never allow yourself to be guided by feelings of lust or love."

Love is a very ambiguous term, though, so that quote needs a little more elaboration.

"All stability of character rests on the contemplation of changeless unity."

-F.W. Robertson

What should guide your thoughts and actions is 'changeless unity'; our perspectives on life are constantly changing, but without a stable core, everything falls to ruin.

To be in love is one thing; to love is another. To make a decision based on being in love is unstable; to make a decision based on love is another. These are all things to take into consideration.

"So what I'm asking here is love really something that one should let influence their thoughts and actions.I think that i have fallen to hard and cant get up and am being crushed.But if this is what love to someone then i will be crushed until nothing is left of me to tell i ever existed."

It's hard to tell what you're feeling, that is, what you're exactly feeling. The feeling of being crushed can be a good thing, that is, if it crushes your heart in a way that doesn't break it, but presses the blood out from it -- in other words, if the sensation of love is opening you up to compassion, selflessness, giving, and focusing on the important things in life, that can be a good thing. If it's tormenting you, however -- making you feel attached in a selfish way, anxious, or disregarding of other people's feelings and more regarding of your own -- then it can be a bad thing.

Love is very complicated >_< So there isn't a clear answer to your question, and please, take everything I say with a grain of salt. My job is to give you some food for thought

In addition to that, then, I'll give you an emotional response:

It's hard to tell what it is to love someone. It's easy to say it's willingly giving of yourself, caring about another person more than yourself, caring about others as you care about yourself, and so on -- as you said, you'd die for her if you had to -- but without experiencing that firsthand, it can't be fully understood. Love can't be relayed to someone like a math equation in a textbook.

So I will say this: You've been through a lot in your life -- remember the hard times, and that things take bad turns unexpectedly. Remember to keep your focus on love -- keep compassion in mind, and when you're suffering, whenever you can, remember the other people of this world, and that we're all in the same boat.

But for now, in regards to your romantic situation, cherish what you have, and make the most of it; to have someone you're that close to, and can love that dearly, and can share such warm moments with and feel so strongly about, is truly a blessing.

I don't know if you should get married or not, but I see no opposition to it; you're the only one who can make that decision. So long as you know each other well, though, get along, sincerely enjoy each other's company and help each other to grow as individuals and strengthen one another's potential -- neither of you ever limiting the other -- then all should be well.

Love shouldn't crush in a pulverizing way, though; remember, love makes people grow. It isn't something that crushes people to the point where no one can tell that they existed, but something that makes the soul of a person shine so bright as to prove that they existed -- that love existed, and is existing, never to fade.

Thanks for sharing, as always!