I feel like an idiot.
Written by: Blick (View all entries)
Date: Mar 10, 2009 06:11 am
Mood: Embarrassed
Music: Greens Keepers - Back in the Wild
Weather: night
I'm the one that does the cleaning around the apartment. I organize, vacuum, scrub, throw out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, all that good stuff. I'd been putting it off for a couple days and Kit, my roommate, let the chores pile up. That's what Kit does. If it doesn't directly inconvenience him, he let's it slide.
No clean dishes? He orders pizza.
Too many beer bottles cluttering up the counter? He pushes them closer to the wall and continues on.
So tonight I did everything that needed to be done in the kitchen. Which included taking out the trash. I walked outside, trash bag in hand, three Pizza Hut boxes under my arm. The nearest dumpster looked like it was puking up its guts, the way it had been filled beyond capacity, but no one is willing to walk the extra thirty yards to the next dumpster.
I realized why they didn't walk to the next one when I reached it. It was spewing cardboard on the sidewalk as well. So I kept walking to the next one.
Finally, a dumpster that looked as pristine as a dumpster could look. I threw my bounty into its maw and started to sprint back to my apartment, about a hundred yards away.
Leaping over the newly formed snow berms made by the plows earlier today and sliding around on the ice like I was skating, I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked. Then I hoped no one was watching me through their window. I slid on the sidewalk as I approached my building's main entrance and was basically screwing around, running around like nobody was watching.
Then I looked up.
A guy, standing right outside the main door, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other, was watching me with judgmental eyes. He clearly thought I was an idiot. I passed him, resisting the urge to come up with any excuse as to why I was running, and scurried into my apartment. I locked the door behind me like that would shield me from the embarrassment lingering behind me.
I hate that so much. Doing something goofy in front of a bystander, especially a stranger, without realizing they're witnessing it.
Comments on "I feel like an idiot."
Gah I've lived with a few girls that do that. It drives me nuts because I'm VERY OCD about things like that. I don't understand how they can live in trash like that. Look at it ever day and it not bother them. Hmm I was always the one cleaning the house.
Haha. That does suck. I would have been really embarrassed. I do things like that all the time. Does not bother me when I'm around friends. But when I'm around strangers its like oh crap. When they caugh me doing something stupid I turn all red and walk away as fast as I can.
I can't really say anything about leaving a mess in my wake because that would be a straight out lie. I would tell kit to start pulling his weight or stop making the mess. But that's me and I don't know your exact situation but that's what i recommend.
And i don't find it embarrassing at all to have others watch my bliss, if they have a problem and want to judge me, well go right ahead because I'm doing what makes me happy. So i cant really relate to being embarrassed like that.
I don't think I quite understand why you were so upset that you did something silly in front of someone. If the person wasn't a friend or someone you might have to see everyday then I don't understand why it was such a big deal. EVERYONE does silly shit when people aren't around and it's going to happen for the rest of your life, you might as well find a way to make the silliness work for you like all the other shit you do in your day-to-day life. After a while it becomes fun to know that you're comfortable enough with yourself that you can do things in public that others can't because they aren't as sure of themselves as you are. A lot of people wish they could be that confident.
Sorry, only logged in users can post messages!